Among the Wild Flowers

Every time I’m leveling up, every limiting belief wants to tear its ugly head.

Imposter syndrome has shown up big time.

Who do I think I am? Who am I to think I could make this work? Who would book me?

All this and so many more swirling, driving me crazy.

If I could map out my feelings in a day you’d think I was insane. I can go from “I’m awesome! Everyone loves my work!” to all the above questions, and even worse answers.

It makes all the bad habits creep back in, inviting all the coping mechanisms to show back up.

Negative self talk followed by victim hood are my go-to. No one will ever be as mean as the voice inside my head. Then once I’ve beat myself up, I’ll make excuses as to why I can’t achieve xyz.

I’ve been working on those habits so when life happens I can keep going without wasting weeks in this sick cycle. Instead facing what’s going, making a plan, and taking action.

Growth seasons are Hard seasons, you only move if you can weather your own storms, and start acting like the person on the next level.

Let me break that down.

What an interesting concept, Act as who I want to be.

When you want to run a marathon, you have to practice. Trying to run it the day of will end in defeat.

You have to train for life similar to how you would train for a marathon.

Train. Practice. Research. Mentor. Workshops. Books. Podcasts. All of these things are necessary for preparing for life in entrepreneurship.

Thinking of all aspects, asking yourself questions like “how do runners eat, sleep, train, dress, speak, prioritize? Who do they hang out with?

As a business owner, I have to consider all the same things. How do I want to show up? How do I want to act? How do I present myself? Who do I hang out with? What types of boundaries do I have? How do I treat my partner? Etc.

During a growth season these questions will arise, but think of it like this, to go somewhere you’ve never been you have to do things you’ve never done. Constantly reevaluating your why.

This year I’ve had amazing opportunities to work with several amazingly creative photographers on styled shoots. They’ve pushed my creativity so far, including how I feel about myself in front of the camera, representing my brand.

Take these photos for example. They weren’t supposed to happen.

Allison originally messaged me asking if I would participate in a giveaway. UM. DUH. She chose the couple. They rescheduled 3 times and ended up cancelling 2 days before the shoot.

I had already purchased the flower, there was no going back for me. Allison offered to still shoot with a different theme in mind. Motherhood. I agreed and asked if I could have some shots of myself with the bouquet. She happily agreed.

This was the beginning of wild flower season so we drove out toward Porterville on HWY 65. Half was there we found our spot.

This is Allisons sweater. I did my own hair and make up.

Allison styled the shoot in a matter of hours.

Lindsay did her own and Devyn’s make up. They each did their own hair.

The white shirt & sheet is from target.

Trust me, visions can be made on a budget!

Just 30 minutes before these photos of me I had seen the beautiful confident proud mamas strip down and work it with a smile! What was I so afraid of? Ok, being on a busy HWY in a thong and sweater is scary and uncomfortable, but in reality I’ll never see those strangers again, and this opportunity is too good to pass up.

These shots turned out amazing. I mean AMAZING! Those mamas showed me a whole new side of confidence and strength. They embraced motherhood with such grace. I admire them so much as women.

This experience allowed me to over come a limiting belief over what I can do and how I represent my brand. It had me adapt and gain confidence in a different way with a new appreciation for our bodies & what they can do.

Bouquet Breakdown:
White hydrangea, white lisanthus, cream/antique lisanthus, white spray roses, white tibet rose, combo rose, curly willow, bleached dried fox tails, and acacia.

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